


pile of sand, footprint trail

by Nellsie



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Internal Monologue, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 10:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellsie/pseuds/Nellsie
Summary: Yuri and Natsuki compare scars, and there is no hostility. They have grown past it.tws for: heavy mention of self harm and abuse.





	pile of sand, footprint trail

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this as a fic to pair with art that a friend did, but it came out kind of differently than i wanted. sort of a vent fic, but not really.

The freshest scar is above Yuri’s wrist. It stands out among the rest, which vary in size and depth. There are soft, quick cuts along her forearm followed by deep, diagonal lashes almost reaching her shoulders. There are long forgotten cuts and there are week old, reopened ones. Natsuki focuses on the most recent one.

It is a simple, horizontal cut. A gentle brush on the broken canvas Yuri has been creating. It’s begun to scab over. Natsuki runs a thumb over it.

“When did you get this?” She asks. Yuri hesitates—and she almost lies, Natsuki can see it in her face. Can see it in how her eyes shift back and forth and her fingers curl into her palm. Natsuki doesn’t resent her for it. They are both liars, albeit for their own reasons.

For Yuri, lying is second nature. Saying one thing and meaning another. Her own life reads like one of her poems, tediously produced so as not to give too much insight.

(For Natsuki, lying is a survival tactic. Lying is the difference between  _ youstupidbitch _ and  _ nodinner _ and  _ don’tyoufuckingdare. _ Lying closes the rift between her two worlds.

Lying weaves together an impossible story in which she is never ridiculed in her own home, never meant to feel like a foreign entity among other people.)

They are adept at lying, but Yuri exhales and relaxes and says, “Yesterday.” Natsuki knows that it’s the truth.

“Yesterday,” She echoes, and Yuri turns her head sheepishly. Natsuki says, “Only one this time. You’re doing better.”

They’ve taken to this sort of encouragement lately. Saying that Yuri is always improving, and she is. The glittering silver of the cutting knife becomes less frequent, the raccoon’s hunger less urgent, though it may always be present, looming over Yuri like a threat. She looks back at Natsuki.

She holds up a hand, tracing the curve of Natsuki’s jaw. Yuri has narrow, careful fingers. The kind that you’d expect to see on someone adept at sewing or needlepoint. They rest on a bandaid underneath Natsuki’s chin.

“What happened?” She begs a question that she knows the answer to.

Natsuki answers, “My dad.” Always her dad. Quick to anger and never easily sated with words. HItting Natsuki is more of a hobby to him at this point. “It’s fine, I’m fine.”

Yuri just looks at her. The kind of look where she stares at Natsuki with indigo eyes, emotion reflecting off of them like a mirror. Natsuki used to think it was judgement, but it’s different, it’s  _ understanding. _ Something that Natsuki wishes to usher in and repel at the same time.

Judgement is something that Natsuki is intimate with. It permeates her every interaction. Judgements of herself, judgements of others. It is universal and easily understood. More familiar than anything.

Yet understanding is different. Understanding is ugly and terrible and it washes over Natsuki with no warning, because Natsuki doesn’t know if she wants someone to understand. If she wants someone to hurt like that. She finds every reason not to let someone understand. She conflates it with pity and judgement but with Yuri it seems she is destined to face the naked truth. Yuri understands Natsuki like no other.

It makes Natsuki want to scream. It makes her want to cry. It makes her  _ want, _ and maybe that’s what hurts the most. Yuri feels like a companion, and Natsuki is not expected to feel guilty for wanting her. For wanting her friendship and maybe more—though Natsuki’s terrified that she wants more.

Yuri is intelligent. She’s intelligent and creative and perhaps one of the best writers Natsuki has ever encountered, and Natsuki  _ admires _ her, but she also fears the backlash inherent in every friendship she has had. In every relationship she has.

(Her father hates her, and that isn’t a surprise. Natsuki is raised with his anger present. Natsuki has his poison in her. Like an infection he’s destroyed her by virtue of being part of her, but Yuri doesn’t think so.

“You’re different,” she says, “He can’t change that you’re a different person.” Yuri thinks that Natsuki is a different person, and it’s so wonderful to hear that.)

“Natsuki?” Yuri places a hand on her arm and Natsuki winces. Yuri’s eyes widen. “I’m sorry, I should have paid attention. I’m sorry,” she apologizes profusely, moving her hand away from the bruise she put pressure on. “I’m sorry.”

She apologizes and apologizes. Yuri is a step away from apologizing for the space she takes up and the oxygen she breathes. She’s an apologetic person, and it feels  _ familiar. _ That behavior feels like something Natsuki knows, something she has replicated in the past.

They are echos of each other. Two sides of the same coin.

Natsuki says, “It’s fine, really,” and Yuri looks at her with soft eyes. Natsuki wants to admire her forever, but she can’t, because they are on a level platform now. They are equals, and it is enlightening.

It is healing.

**Author's Note:**

> it's tagged as both platonic and romantic because while it mainly veers towards the platonic side, i definitely had a more romantic interpretation in mind when writing it. i try to be conservative when tagging just because, you know, i don't really like misleading people i guess? so if it seems more romantic than platonic or vice versa, lemme know!
> 
> sorry if it's kind of lacking or incoherent(?) i hope it's decent but ya never really know lol.


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